Scared
barb, i so wish i could hug you from here…wrap your arms around yourself and give you a long hug from me, please. to let you know i (and most others on this site) totally understand - i was stage 4 breast cancer and my breast was totally inverted by the time i went to the doc (stupid pride because i was divorced and had no health insurance - couldn’t stand the thought of “welfare”). was rushed immediately to the hospital where a port was installed and biopsy done - aggressive chemo started two days later. anyway, after all the treatments/surgeries you’d think someone would be relieved, eh? you’re probably thinking “wait, wait! i’m not READY! you cannot cut me back to an appt. every 6 months until you can GUARANTEE there is nothing lurking around in my body only to show up later!!” is that what you’re feeling? if so, please try and stop that! think of yourself as “cured”…in fact, if your family has the “cured” attitude that is actually GREAT! but, you should say “yes, i’m cured now of cancer BUT it took a series of putting poisonous crap in my body to get rid of it and the aftereffects!”. perhaps if you explain the situation to your onc they’ll write a letter for you to show. as for that seed you feel is lurking around to pounce …. when someone asks if you’re in “remission” just look at them with a slightly confused look on your face as if you don’t understand the question for a moment, then reply “no, actually i’m CURED”. and you are NOT the same person as when you began all of this - i hope not! you’ve grown and had more life experiences as opposed to stagnating. love the wisdom you’ve gained and the strength. as for your looks, if you go into my group pic album you’ll see how mine changed in just two months. i must take another pic and post this week, as i totally no longer look like chemo gal anymore! goodness, this turned out so long as opposed to the few lines i intended. blessings, love and healing to you, barb! dinah www.dinahsgoatmilksoaps.com
________________________________ From: “CMWPinky26@aol.com” To: breastcancer2@yahoogroups.com Sent: Mon, November 30, 2009 7:47:49 AM Subject: [Breast Cancer] Scared
Hi all, I wanted to share some of my fear and apprehension I am feeling since yesterday. Tomorrow is my last rad appt. and today I see my rad onc for the last time. This whole breast cancer journey has been so all consuming and overwhelming, and yet I have embraced the whole experience. The what happens next is in my mind. And how can I deal with friends and family members who will see it as “well now your cured so get on with life” I don’t feel cured. I feel as if there is a little seed somewhere waiting to sprout either in my bones or liver , lung or brain. I don’t trust this breast cancer beast at all, and right now I am so very tired and warn out from all the treatment. I don’t feel like the person I was before it all. I don’t look like that person anymore. Has anyone else gone thru this?
Barb from N.J.
Please learn more about your health care! Education is key!